The Good Side of My Heart

DIFFERENT people react differently when they meet my cousin. Some gaped, some stared, and others choked. But they all had one thing in common. They were rendered speechless. It isn't as if my cousin looked like the devil himself. On the contrary, he was an extremely handsome man. Which was why he was always breaking damsels' hearts unintentionally.

When I was younger, I used to wonder why my cousin lived his life the way he did. I used to ask him the reason but he always evaded my questions. He was the most exasperating man that I've ever known. However, no matter how horridly he sometimes teased me, he was always the first person I approached whenever I stumbled upon a problem that I couldn't solve. He always made time for me, regardless of how busy he happened to be. He was my best friend. The life of a clergyman was not an easy one, but my cousin, Joey, always tried his best to help everyone he knew, and most of all, me.

I remembered when I was young, I've had many difficult times communicating with my father, who had the most formidable temper one has ever seen. Well, at least, it was so for me. You've got to look at things from my perspective. After all I had only lived ten years of my life and the only male adults I've come into contact with are my father, and Joey.

Needless to say, it was Joey who resolved most of the conflicts between his uncle and his little cousin. Joey often asked me to try not to antagonize my father, who is really a very lonely man. My mother passed away when I was very small. I remembered asking about her when I was 5 years old. My father told me that I had no mother. I grew older and asked about Mother again; I was given the same explanation. I would stare at my father as if he had gone daft and nodded wordlessly. I never believed that life was fair. Why did all the other children in the town had mommies to fuss over them while all I had was a drunken father?

My childhood was not a happy one. I often cried myself to sleep at night when I missed the mother that I never had. How did it feel like to have someone to turn to so that she can sew your torn shirt after a fight in school? What was the feeling of coming home to a aroma-filled kitchen with warm dinner on the table waiting for you instead of a cold dark porch smelling of stale beer and unwashed clothing? I could only imagine when I was old enough to be capable of imagination.

I was a lonely child. Other than getting into fights in schools, the next best thing that I loved to do was to isolate myself from the rest and only watch from afar at all the other kids as they played marbles, hopscotch, and zero-point. It was after some years when my cousin Joey returned from his studies in England that I finally found a friend to talk to. Joey was ten years older than I was; yet he never looked down on me, in every sense of the word. I remembered staring up at my handsome cousin with dreamy eyes as I met him for the first time when I was 12. I thought Joey was my very own Prince Charming and I almost expected to see him hold onto the reins of his white horse.

When we first met, Joey looked at me straight in the eye and said only one word. "Hey!" And he flashed a smile at me. He had the straightest teeth anyone has ever set eyes on and the most beautiful smile that I've ever seen.

That was all it took. I fell in love with him at first sight. I decided then that I was going to marry Joey as soon as I was old enough. Joey would stop by my house with lots of goodies whenever he could. He would bring me to his church, and often took me out for field trips. He would walk with me from school whenever he could and help me with my academic work if I needed help. Most of all, he would listen to me whenever I seek his attention. Most kids in school envied the big brother that I had. I was of course head over heels with him, or so I thought.

Then one day, I asked Joey if he would marry me as soon as I was old enough. He looked at me patiently and explained that men of the cloth are sworn to celibacy. I was disappointed, but Joey explained that having a brother is sometimes better than having a boyfriend. I pondered over his words and it didn't take me long to agree with him. Well, he was my idol then, how could I not agree with him?

My spirits however, drooped when I realized that Joey and I could never be together.

But Joey made me see that next to a husband, a brother is the best thing a girl can have. Then I asked him if he was going to take care of me forever. His reply was that if no man came forward and swept me away, he would be glad to accompany me for the rest of my life.

Our friendship strengthened with this new promise and by the time I reached 18, I had declared that I do not need any husband because I had such a dear brother as a life companion. I was in bliss because Joey made me see all the good things in life and tried to cheer me up whenever I got depressed over my father. He was my best friend.