The Secret of Loving

Disclaimer: This is just a summary of the book and not the whole content of it... Please go to any Christian book store, go to Boy-Girl-Relationship (BGR) section, and I am quite sure you'll find this book... Buy it and read it! :)

How to be the right person in a loving relationship?
You are the secret.

This book gives various insights on how to be the right person and this is the secret of loving.

• 2 Fears: Fear of never being loved, Fear of never being able to love

• Qualities that you want others to have, measure them to yourself first.

• Be proud of the one you love.

• Who do you think you are? are you worth it? Yes, you are of great value and worth to God (1 Cor 6), You are worth the price God paid for you, which was Jesus. You are better than one in a million. Don't bother of being someone else since you yourself is unique. "I have loved you" (Jer 31:3), "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son" (John 3:16)

• You don't have to be the best to be accepted, but you must do your very best. "Because he will have the personal satisfaction of work well done and won't need to compare himself with someone else" (Galatians 6:4)

• Keep clear channels, a relationship means combining two different lifestyles, experiences, personalities into one single unit. Keep a good communication, "Be quick to hear, slow to speak" (James 1:19). If you are an extrovert, beware not to monopolizing the conversation. Listening is more than just hearing, it's about caring and understand the feeling of the other.

• Becoming a better communicator:

1. Work at it. - It may seems difficult, but you have to adjust yourself.

2. Learn to compromise. - And sometimes compromising things you like for the sake of other.

3. Seek to understand. - Understand the real meaning of what other want to tell you.

4. Affirm your spouse's worth, dignity and value. - Appreciate his/her thoughts.

5. Be positive and encouraging. - Encourage each other.

6. Practice confidentiality. - Don't tell other what is confidential.

7. Wait for the right time. - Sometimes, it is better to wait.

8. Share your feelings. - Say "how you feel" and "what you think".

9. Avoid mind-reading. - Don't assume you know all.

10. Give a response to show you're listening. - React physically, Request more information, Reflect on what has been said, Repeat or rephrase statement with feeling, Remain silent when someone is telling a story, Refrain from concentrating on your answer, Express your encouragement and appreciation.

11. Be honest. - A skillful and loving communicator is sensitive to the consequences of his words and actions.

• A relationship is not without conflict. Resolving these conflicts is important. There are many wrong attitudes regarding conflicts:

1. Failing to acknowledge the problem.

2. Withdrawal from problem.

3. Ignoring the conflict's significance.

4. Spiritualizing. - Quoting the bible verses is sometimes another way to run away from solving the conflicts.

5. Keeping score. - Don't refer to the past to resolve conflict.

6. Attacking the person instead of the problem.

7. Blaming someone else.

8. Desiring to win no matter what the cost.

9. Giving in just to avoid the conflict. - Directly give up is not good

10. Buying a special gift for the other person. - Don't try to buy a way out of the conflict

• Some good attitudes regarding conflict:

1. Acknowledge that you're fallible.

2. Take responsibility for my emotional reactions.

3. Seeing the other person's side in the conflict.

• Some tips to solve conflicts:

1. Search the scriptures for the area of conflict.

2. Search for facts about the other person and the situation.

3. Prayer.

4. Seek wise counsel.

5. Dealing with your emotions first.

• Learn to forgive, forgiveness is oil to a relationship, to soften rigid edges.

• Becoming trustworthy

• Stress is disease to a relationship, and here are the list of symptoms:

1. An unexplained change in your effectiveness

2. Irregular performance

3. A pattern of absence

4. Cooled relationships

How to know that the love you feel will last?
Mature love is the Key

3 types of love:

1. Love-if, "I love you if you ..."

2. Love-because, "I love you because you are ..."

3. Condition less-Love, "I love you no matter what, I love you in spite of what you may be like deep down inside"

Things to remember: True love is G-I-V-E, Show respect and reverence, Joy in being together, Being realistic, Protecting others, Commitment, Dynamic Growth - it's getting better as time goes by, Being creative in your relationship.