I opened my eyes slowly and stared at the ceiling of my room. It took me a minute to realize where I was. I tried to close my eyes and go back to sleep. Too late, I realized. The memories were coming back to me.

I squeezed my eyes tightly so that I would not shed another tear. My swollen eyes were hurting too much to do that. Closing my eyes, I recalled what happened last night in excruciating detail.

I remembered blinking at Dante, trying to assimilate the implication of his shocking words. I remembered staggering away, walking blindly. I remembered Dante reaching out to hold me, only to be slapped on his cheek. The only thing I don't remember was the journey home. I guess I had been in a daze.

It was fortunate that nobody had been at home and that I had my house keys with me then. Well, it wouldn't have mattered either way, I doubt I would've cared.

For the next few days I mopped around, refusing to step out of the house. I was afraid that I would meet Dante, who was the last person I wanted to see. Father sensed something amiss but I blamed my lethargy on the lack of sleep before the exams. I talked to no one, not even Joey. I figured as long as I shut myself away from the world until I regain my balance, I would be fine. I thought I was succeeding because I managed to carry on with my life without bursting into tears at the most unexpected moments. When Dante called on the second morning, I hung up without saying a single word. I didn't know whether I did that out of spite or that the mere act of listening to his voice brought back painful memories. I only knew that I wasn't ready to face him. I had no idea if I ever would.

On the fifth day, I returned to the hall to move my belongings back home. As I walked out of my room of one semester, I sensed myself being watched. I lifted my head and saw Dante standing a few meters away. I couldn't help it. I burst into tears and ran down the stairs, trying to get away as fast as possible. Dante ran after me and grabbed hold of my arm before I reached the ground floor.

"Brenda, please, listen to me."

"Let go of me."

"Not until you hear what I have to say. Please, don't do this to yourself. It hurts me a lot."

I tried to block his words. They meant so much, yet so little.

"Have you talked to anyone?"

"No."

Dante sighed. "Not any of your friends?"

"I said no, didn't I?" I snapped.

"At least talk to Joey. Please." He remained undeterred. I ignored him.

"Brenda" He began. I interrupted him.

"Don't say words that you don't mean. I am not a three-year-old whom you can pacify with a few sweet nothings. If you care nothing for my feelings, at least give credit to my intelligence."

I knew my words hit home. He let go of me and stepped back. It was at the tip of my tongue to take back my words but I held on. I wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt me. I refused to look into his eyes because I was afraid that I would soften in my resolve and apologize when I was the injured party.

"Speak to Joey, please, promise me?" Dante pleaded quietly. I broke off his grasp and ran down the steps before he could attempt stopping me again.

I didn't have any intention of telling Joey about Dante and I. But I have to admit, once Dante planted the thought in my mind, the seed took root, especially when I couldn't find peace for the next few days. Joey had been busy with church these days and I knew I probably wouldn't get to see him unless I go for confession. Might as well, I thought. Maybe that way I can let go of my troubles freely.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned."

There was a long silence.

"Hello Brenda." Joey's voice was calm and steady.

"Hi Joe."

"It's nice to see you here. What is it that we can't talk at home?"

"I rarely get to see you these days. Besides, I thought what I have to say might be better done this way."

I heard a soft sigh before Joey told me to continue. I told him everything. Why Dante had to come here, the scandal, the faked pregnancy, made-up abortion and finally what happened on the night we were supposed to watch sunrise.

"He's gay, Joey." I said miserably.

"Now that's not fair of you to say that simply because he rejected..."

"He said so himself." I interrupted him.

A long silence followed. I could imagine Joey rubbing his forehead like what he usually does when he is vexed.

"Are you alright?" Joey finally spoke. I nodded before I realized Joey couldn't possibly see me. "Yeah", I muttered.

"What did you say when he told you about his sexual preferences?"

I bowed my head slightly and replied him quietly. "I slapped him."

"Oh Brenda," Joey breathed. "How could you do something like that?", he continued. "He confessed his darkest secret to you and you slapped him? Imagine how hurt he must've felt."

"I am sorry for my actions now, Joey. But I knew I wasn't that night. In fact, I wished I had done a lot more to him there and then."

"I should've realized that you still possess a streak of violence in you since your daily fights in school when you were young."

I couldn't tell if he was serious or he was just jesting with me.

"I met him a few days ago."

"And?" Joey prodded when I failed to continue.

"He pleaded with me to come and visit you. I didn't want to, but I thought I needed to talk to someone about this. I couldn't find anyone. He wanted to talk to me but the last person I wanted to face was him."

"He was right, Brenda. What are you going to do about the both of you?"

"I've never met anyone like him." I thought awhile. "Well, I guess it isn't a surprise, since I don't have the habit of talking to that many guys anyway. I guess I fell hard for him. It came as a big shock, that's all. But, Joe, I don't think I can just forget about him so easily!" I paused to dry my eyes, which had suddenly gone all teary again.

"You don't have to. Remember what I said about brothers and husbands? You were almost as heart-broken when I explained to you why we couldn't tie the knot. You took the news well, didn't you?"

"There is a mild difference. In case you didn't notice, you were talking about an infatuation with a 12-year-old. I am no longer twelve."

"Do it one step at a time, Brenda." Joey insisted. "Try talking to him without breaking down first. Then take things from there. I'm sure the both of you would share a very special friendship. I don't suppose this is a good time to point this out to you, but you should count your blessings. Not many people get to experience true friendship. If you can just convert your romantic interest in him to a platonic one, you will be able to find peace. Some things are not meant to be in life, but if you'll be a little more optimistic, you will be able to see the fortune that you have been blessed with. Friendships are fragile, Brenda. You won't know it until you have lost it."

I remained silent.

"Based on what I see, Dante trusts you a lot. You said yourself that he prefers your company to any other of the girls pursuing him. Obviously he genuinely likes you. If you continue to spite him just because of this, he may change his mind about you. When that happens, you will not only lose a potential boyfriend but a true friend too. By then, any regret will be too late. The damage would've been irrevocable."

I pondered over the wisdom of his words.

Joey stepped out and removed his robe. He opened the door to my side and beckoned me to step out. He held his hand to me.

"Come on, let's go home."