IT was a miracle that I had survived the first year. I did not know what I was doing. 365 days just passed like that. I could not even recall what I had learnt; what I knew was that I managed to pass without a RE. Miracle isn't it? My love life drew a blank. When I was back in JC, I heard from friends about NUS. How easy they said it then, to get a boyfriend in NUS. And about all the hops and jams, all the balls, and all the fun. Some even recounted stories of how 'casual' NUS students were in the halls, where a guy and gal would jump into bed under the cover of darkness.
After a year, all those stories seemed like fairy tales. I had been to the jams and hops, but they were so boring! Talk about boyfriends? There were simply too many guys around, it seemed easy to get one but which one? It was so boring. 365 days just like that. Lectures, tutorials and more lectures and tutorials. And before you could understand what was going on, an essay assignment was thrown at you. Life seemed meaningless then. I wondered why I was here in NUS.
It wasn't easy for me. I had to give 6 hours of tuition each week to feed myself. Mother never wanted me to come to the university. But I insisted. And she said in no uncertain terms that I had to support myself in NUS. Now, after a year in NUS, I wished I did not come in. I was bored with lectures and tutorials. There was so much to study but the sight of notes gave me headaches. I needed friends so much but I could hardly depend on them. My better girl friends had their boy friends to occupy their time. The other casual ones just couldn't be bothered with me (I think so).
I was alone most of the time. I was lonely. I needed someone. Day in and out I thought I saw my prince charming. I was dreaming...
I started my second year with a rare sense of vigour. I told myself that I could not possibly waste my time. NUS was a bore but I was determined to make something out of it. My outlook changed. I became less dreamy, I became more open, always willing to indulge in small-talks. It did not help me really but outwardly I seemed to be in a much better shape. Everyone knew me as a nice and sweet girl. I was always smiling and laughing.
It was the first term break and I discovered my greatest joy in NUS so far. I was taught by a friend how to play on the computer. What a joy it was to me then. On the computer, I knew no inhibitions. And I made so many friends - boys and girls! It was so fun, talking away whole day long.
I was not aware of it. Or maybe I knew it but chose to ignore it. My work was getting worse but I didn't care a damn. I was falling in love, first with the computer, then with some real person.
He was also from science, a physics major. I knew him from the computer! He was what I was looking for. He was smart too and always so fun to be with. I did not know I loved him initially. We talked everyday on the computer for at least an hour. When we were not able to talk interactively, we would leave mails for each other. We became bolder and bolder. From normal small talks we proceeded to talk about relationships, love and even sex.
It was the third day that I had not heard from him! He seemed to have disappeared suddenly. What happened to him? I could not eat or sleep properly. Even my beloved computer was no cure. Every time I logged on I would think of him and every message I seen beeped on my terminal would loving for someone I had not even seen yet! I really thought I would grow crazy. I would wake up in the middle of the night screaming. Somebody help me!!
It was a Monday morning. I could not sleep well. 7 am it was. I saw it on my stupid alarm clock. I washed up and decided to go to campus. There were few people around. 8 am in the morning and yet this place seemed so dead. Inevitably I alighted at the bus-stop outside comcen. I looked at the grey building. It stood there. So impervious to my sufferings. I entered the terminal room. It was still early and no one was around except me. There were only few users on. But wait... I have a mail.
Dearest Su Yin,
Sorry not to reply to your mails. I was sick. I am really sorry. I just recovered this morning and rushed all the way from home to NUS to leave you this mail. Hope to catch you later... Hee hee Perhaps I would have to ambush my sweet lady. I miss you so much. Shall we meet for lunch? *** SMOOCH *** a billion times.
Your lover boy,
I was overcome with joy. My lover boy had not abandoned me. I read and re-read the mail, refused to get my eyes off the screen. Believe me, my eyes were wet. But I had no time... my dreamy mood was shaken by a tap on the shoulder. I woke up, confused and at the same time happy. I turned round. A tall guy was behind me. He smiled.
"Hi!!"
"Hi, who are you? You gave me a shock!"
"Hee, what are you reading?"
"Why you so kaypoh? You shiok lah... ambush me some more."
"Why not? I told you I would ambush you... but..."
Suddenly, something flashed across my brain. In that instance, my eyes stood still and stared at him, eyeing him from head to toe and back to head again. Of course!! That was my lover boy!!
"Hi!!!! You little boy. Oh no... this is really you, Dan?"
"Of course lah, then you think who I am?"
"Oh, oh no... I..."
"Hey hey, never know you are so pretty. If I knew I would have ambushed you earlier."
"No flatter me." (I was really blushing.)
"Hee hee, you have so nice figure. I no bear to flatter you."
"Talk nonsense... How are you now? OK?"
"Aiya, OK lah... small sickness no die."
"Thank God... I thought what happen to you... I..."
"So sorry hor. You punish me lah... Hmmm punish me to give you smooch"
"You wait long long... I punish you to lick my shoes."
"So smelly, who want to lick. Aiya have you eaten?"
"No lah, so early where got things to eat?"
"Then good, I spend you breakfast."
"Where?"
"Hm... you like roti prata?"
"Yummy yummy, one of my favourites."
"Good, then let's go."
"Where?..."
Before I could finish my words, he switched off the terminal and pulled me out of the comcen. Before I could pause to enjoy this rare happiness, I was on the way to 'heaven'.
I sat behind him on his bike. I seemed to be flying. My long hair flew. I hugged him close and I could feel his body heat. I thought I was dreaming. How I wished time would stop!
We had our roti prata. It tasted nice, I suppose. I could see him eating like a hungry ghost. The taste did not matter to me anymore. My heart was sweet. Happiness filled my whole body. My senses were clouded and I always thought I was dreaming.
After breakfast he commanded me to jump behind him again. This time, the bike flew even faster. I did not know where he was bringing me to. But I did not give a damn.
We sat on the bench. We could see the sea and all. The morning sun was still weak. I felt even weaker with him beside me. I felt as if I want to melt in his arms. It was almost a dream come true. Throughout my life, that was the moment I was waiting for. And now that the moment had arrived, I was paralysed with joy. We did not talk much - just how much we missed each other.
"I never thought you would be like this, really."
"I disappointed you?"
"NO!! You are beyond my expectations!"
"Tell me, how you thought I was like?"
"Hm... I thought you were the more outdoor type, more outspoken... Never know you are so feminine and gentle and... "
"Gee, which you prefer? The one on the computer or the one now?"
"Well... I like both... in fact every part of you..."
"No joking lah... say..."
"Really!! It is so hard to describe... Never felt this way for a lady before."
"You never had any girl friends?"
"I had but those are different. I was never serious with them."
"Then how you know you are serious with me now?"
"I know it, somehow I can feel it."
"Tell me, what do you look for in a girl?"
"I donno, it is so hard to put words to feelings. When I see it I will know."
"Hmm... so, how do you feel about me?"
"I like you, a lot!"
He did not blush. But I did and dared not look at him.
"How about you, Su Yin? How do you feel about me?"
"I... I..."
"You what? You don't like me?"
"NO!! I... I..."
"You what??"
"I like you."
"You like me? A lot??"
"Hmmm...."
I knew my face was all red. I stared at the ground, contented to let the ants looked at my blushing face. I could feel his warm palm on my chin. He lifted my head to face him. I looked at him. His fingers were caressing my face. It was magic. My eyes closed. His lips were on mine. My senses were subdued. Gently, I pushed him away. I turned my face away. But... he was much stronger. I looked at him again. Magic again! Eyes closed. Contented to let his lips do whatever it intended to do. I gave up my defense. I closed my arms round him. I gave the most passionate kiss that I was capable of. Time stood still. The sun grew stronger. His arms were even stronger. I was suffocating, I was joyous. It was all pure magic.
... to be continued